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I'm feeling so much more relaxed today. Sad to say, but smoking a few cigarettes has helped calm down my anxiety about starting a new job. I feel disgusting about this habit that I tried so hard to quit, but it gets easier to quit after a few times and I will do it cold turkey. So ironic that everything else in my life is super healthy apart from this and stress. Next week I will head back to the gym, do yoga, acupuncture, and try to attend some fitness classes. I wonder if I'll find the time and money for it.
Tomorrow I'm getting a high frequency facial along with red & blue light treatment. This is to fix the reaction I had to another facial that irritated my skin. I hate wasting money, but need to get the situation under control. Ironically, my skin is doing better than it was when I booked the facial, but it's too late to cancel now. I really can't recommend high frequency enough. I have been getting it since high school and it helps me much more than products or topicals. It disinfects and calms down the redness. Red light seems to help too with collagen production, but I'm not so sure about blue light.
The breakout that I mentioned yesterday, has unfortunately got a little worse today and I`m getting what looks to be a cyst on the left side of my neck. It`s sooo frustrating because I go through periods where I am more or less clear and then I breakout again. There is absolutely no pattern or consistency either and it really messes with my head.
I`m afraid I`ve lapsed a little bit today and indulged in quite a bit of mirror checking. Certainly haven`t liked what I`ve seen and right now I don`t feel or look the greatest. I was supposed to see my sister and nephews today but I cancelled because I didn`t want to go out. Feel bad about that now though. My nephews always look forward to seeing me and they are too young to notice or care what I look like. Because of my stupid hang-ups, I`ve let them down. All in all a pretty poor day but hopefully tomorrow will be better.
I`ve resisted for a long time but this evening I have made the decision to completely give up caffeine. My diet is ultra-strict apart from having a cappuccino every day or every other day. I`m really loathe to do it as it is the only vice or treat that I have (that sounds pretty pathetic) in my diet. However, I`ve been browsing through some of the threads on the Hormonal and Diet and Holisitic forums and so many people seem to think that giving up caffeine has helped them I`m going to give it a try. Also going to try to get back into a better sleep routine as I haven`t been sleeping that great recently. Not entirely sure how successful these measures will be as I`m pretty sure the reason I continue to breakout is genetic but I`m going to give them a try.
Tomorrow is another day, I hope it's better for you. You seem very self-aware and you have the tools to improve your mental state so I'm confident you will turn it around. Have you tried replacing coffee with tea? That's how I quit coffee, by replacing it with black tea, then herbal tea gradually. Now I sometimes drink some oolong in the morning but it has very low caffeine.
The holistic forum has some great tips on lifestyle changes that could benefit everyone not just in terms of acne, but for their general wellbeing. I'm trying to get into a better sleep routine too, I have trouble falling asleep and then have trouble waking up in the morning.
I'm feeling so much more relaxed today. Sad to say, but smoking a few cigarettes has helped calm down my anxiety about starting a new job. I feel disgusting about this habit that I tried so hard to quit, but it gets easier to quit after a few times and I will do it cold turkey. So ironic that everything else in my life is super healthy apart from this and stress. Next week I will head back to the gym, do yoga, acupuncture, and try to attend some fitness classes. I wonder if I'll find the time and money for it.
Tomorrow I'm getting a high frequency facial along with red & blue light treatment. This is to fix the reaction I had to another facial that irritated my skin. I hate wasting money, but need to get the situation under control. Ironically, my skin is doing better than it was when I booked the facial, but it's too late to cancel now. I really can't recommend high frequency enough. I have been getting it since high school and it helps me much more than products or topicals. It disinfects and calms down the redness. Red light seems to help too with collagen production, but I'm not so sure about blue light.
The breakout that I mentioned yesterday, has unfortunately got a little worse today and I`m getting what looks to be a cyst on the left side of my neck. It`s sooo frustrating because I go through periods where I am more or less clear and then I breakout again. There is absolutely no pattern or consistency either and it really messes with my head.
I`m afraid I`ve lapsed a little bit today and indulged in quite a bit of mirror checking. Certainly haven`t liked what I`ve seen and right now I don`t feel or look the greatest. I was supposed to see my sister and nephews today but I cancelled because I didn`t want to go out. Feel bad about that now though. My nephews always look forward to seeing me and they are too young to notice or care what I look like. Because of my stupid hang-ups, I`ve let them down. All in all a pretty poor day but hopefully tomorrow will be better.
I`ve resisted for a long time but this evening I have made the decision to completely give up caffeine. My diet is ultra-strict apart from having a cappuccino every day or every other day. I`m really loathe to do it as it is the only vice or treat that I have (that sounds pretty pathetic) in my diet. However, I`ve been browsing through some of the threads on the Hormonal and Diet and Holisitic forums and so many people seem to think that giving up caffeine has helped them I`m going to give it a try. Also going to try to get back into a better sleep routine as I haven`t been sleeping that great recently. Not entirely sure how successful these measures will be as I`m pretty sure the reason I continue to breakout is genetic but I`m going to give them a try.
Tomorrow is another day, I hope it's better for you. You seem very self-aware and you have the tools to improve your mental state so I'm confident you will turn it around. Have you tried replacing coffee with tea? That's how I quit coffee, by replacing it with black tea, then herbal tea gradually. Now I sometimes drink some oolong in the morning but it has very low caffeine.
The holistic forum has some great tips on lifestyle changes that could benefit everyone not just in terms of acne, but for their general wellbeing. I'm trying to get into a better sleep routine too, I have trouble falling asleep and then have trouble waking up in the morning.
Thanks Wishclean and thanks for the tips on tea too. I`ll definitely consider the tea alternative.
Pleased to say I managed to sleep from 10:30pm to 5:00am last night without any interruptions. As long as I get 6-7 hours sleep a night I`m ok but recently I`ve only been able to manage 4-5 hours per night and it has been fitful at that. The key for me at least is to make sure that I go to bed regularly at the same time each night. Recently I`ve been staying up until past midnight and then not sleeping that well. Will try to stick to going to bed between 10:00pm and 10:30pm from now on.
Good luck with your sleep routine - I hope it gets better.
A bit of a weird day today.
Started off fine. I went off to uni with very little makeup on and hair tied back - not 'hiding' behind it like I sometimes do. My mum then picked me up to bring me to a different campus for a group presentation I was involved in. During the drive I mentioned to her about how an assignment coming up involves submitting our resume and that I'm worried, and embarrassed about this even, because I'm 20 and have nearly no work experience to show. Part of the reason for this is that it's been so hard for me to go out and apply for jobs or stay at jobs that I've started because my anxiety about my skin goes absolutely insane. I also had a horrible experience at my first job in a call center and I think that's also made it hard for me to apply to new places. Mum started going on about how I just need to do it and that it's my own fault etc etc - and she's right. But I said, through tears at this point (we argued a bit), that she didn't know the things I try and cope with that makes it so hard to just go out and apply for jobs etc. I can't just switch on confidence.
But the annoying part was that then I was trying to not start actually crying because I had to do my presentation soon! Somehow it ended up being ok though - the presentation went well.
It is getting better for me though. As my skin improves I am feeling a little more confident. And I have been applying for jobs (mostly online though) and checking online job sites daily (and all of this for month and months and months now with no luck yet).
And having my placement for uni is making me feel better about when I do hopefully find a job - because I've been able to 'join' their workplace without having crazy anxiety attacks and crying spells at night - like I have had for some reason when I've had 'real' / paying jobs. It's helping my confidence / anxiety issues specific to the work environment (that I've had for some reason).
It's ridiculous but being 20 and not having a job is one of the things that has been really getting to me and making me feel like a failure for a while now. Anyway... hoping that I will find work soon.
A bit of a weird day today.
Started off fine. I went off to uni with very little makeup on and hair tied back - not 'hiding' behind it like I sometimes do. My mum then picked me up to bring me to a different campus for a group presentation I was involved in. During the drive I mentioned to her about how an assignment coming up involves submitting our resume and that I'm worried, and embarrassed about this even, because I'm 20 and have nearly no work experience to show. Part of the reason for this is that it's been so hard for me to go out and apply for jobs or stay at jobs that I've started because my anxiety about my skin goes absolutely insane. I also had a horrible experience at my first job in a call center and I think that's also made it hard for me to apply to new places. Mum started going on about how I just need to do it and that it's my own fault etc etc - and she's right. But I said, through tears at this point (we argued a bit), that she didn't know the things I try and cope with that makes it so hard to just go out and apply for jobs etc. I can't just switch on confidence.
But the annoying part was that then I was trying to not start actually crying because I had to do my presentation soon! Somehow it ended up being ok though - the presentation went well.
It is getting better for me though. As my skin improves I am feeling a little more confident. And I have been applying for jobs (mostly online though) and checking online job sites daily (and all of this for month and months and months now with no luck yet).
And having my placement for uni is making me feel better about when I do hopefully find a job - because I've been able to 'join' their workplace without having crazy anxiety attacks and crying spells at night - like I have had for some reason when I've had 'real' / paying jobs. It's helping my confidence / anxiety issues specific to the work environment (that I've had for some reason).
It's ridiculous but being 20 and not having a job is one of the things that has been really getting to me and making me feel like a failure for a while now. Anyway... hoping that I will find work soon.
Aww Lilly I can relate to this far too well! I'm 21 and and didn't get my first paid job until I was 19 which was stewarding at classical music concerts. My parents are always saying I should get a job and making me feel really useless for not having one like normal people and I too feel really self-conscious when I have to submit a CV anywhere because I have almost no work experience. Even the job I did I've now quit because dealing with the public like that used to just get me into a massive panic before every shift and sometimes during it as well. People aren't very kind to stewards who are totally useless at their jobs and I'd have to constantly hold my hands really tight together to stop them visibly shaking. People also always looked at me funny when my voice started to shake or I couldn't quite get the words out properly because I was so nervous which made me feel completely useless. All in all it was traumatic and a disaster so I had to give it up! I'm only telling you all this so you know you're not the only one with this problem and that you're not unique in having had too much anxiety to hold down work in the past or having parents who just don't understand what your issue is.
But your skin is looking absolutely miles better right now so I'm sure that and the confidence you should gain from your uni placement will stand you in very good stead for getting a real job. Don't feel like a failure for not having one yet. Having had your skin totally sap your confidence in the past is a huge barrier to contend with even if other people like your mum don't understand that. It doesn't mean you can't turn it around now; it just means that an adverse problem that other people haven't had to deal with has made you just a little bit later starting than everyone else is all. 
My skin is not quite has good today as I think it has been recently. Got some small spots on my neck and jawline and one or two on my cheeks. From a distance they are barely noticeable though.
At work today, my manager gave me the task of training a new lady who has just started in our office. Doing the training wasn`t a problem but it did mean that for most of the day I was sat right next to the lady. I really dislike people getting close up to me - the thought of people seeing my flaws and blemishes really makes me anxious. However, even though it made me a little uncomfortable, she didn`t seem to mind being in close proximity to me and if she did notice any blemishes, she didn`t say anything or seem to care.
It was totally unplanned but in a way it was as useful as a lot of the stuff that I have been doing for CBT. I was inadvertently exposed to a situation that would normally make me anxious and it turned out a lot better than I anticipated. Definitely has given me more food for thought about how people really perceive me.
Hope you are all ok.
Oh man, Ive been there. Im always the person that has to train the new guy. I feel the same way you used to feel. I hate having someone in close proximity like that. And in my pessimistic mind, I know that maybe they didnt notice, or didnt care, or didnt say anything, but if they did, would they really ever tell you? So in my mind, its just as bad because I think its repulsive and disgusting, and they must too, even though they didnt say anything. I dunno, do you get what Im saying? I dont need someone to make a horrid face when they see me for me to not feel comfortable; I only need to look in the mirror and not like what I see for me to get myself down. No one's ever said anything about my skin; in fact, most people that I tell that Im having a problem w/ it, tell me they dont notice anything. Thats no consolation because I can see it, and Im not blind, and thats good enough reason for me to be pissed off, upset, anxious, angry, and then I start to self loathe.
Every day starts same as the next. I used to not be able to sleep until I got all these psych meds, so thats not a problem now. But from 505am when I wake up and go into the bathroom to take a shower, until 930pm when I decide to lay down and watch TV, my obsessive thoughts will not stop. I never expect anyone to say anything about the condition of my skin; but they dont have to, its my own thoughts that matter. And when your own thoughts are distorted, you quickly begin to spiral.
I am truly glad that the CBT you received has helped feel more comfortable in uncomfortable situations. I am seriously contemplating going back, maybe to someone new, and putting forth a real effort, cuz what Im doing every day to myself is not helping the situation.
Goodz19, I can totally relate to everything you have said in your post.
I`ve been in your situation and I still feel like it at times. Even though no one necessarily has to say anything, because you in your mind think that you are repulsive, hideous and ugly, you automatically assume that is what everyone else thinks of you.
I know exactly what it is like to look in the mirror and absolutely detest what you see. I`m ashamed to say this but at times it has gone beyond thinking I`m repulsive, hideous and ugly. I have on occasions shouted expletives at my reflection and spat at it and referred to myself as vile scum. I have on one or two occasions smashed mirrors because of the disgust I feel at what I have seen.
Doing CBT has not only helped me curb the mirror obsession, it has also helped me to realise that all this stuff I feel about myself are just my thoughts and no one elses`. As my CBT therapist says, thoughts are just personal feelings - not facts. I know you probably won`t believe me but what your mind is telling you is not true. Where is the evidence other than what you think you see? Do any of your friends` or family tell you that you are hideous and ugly? You will probably say that people are being nice or don`t notice but trust me, most people are too concerned with their own problems to even notice or care.
As I say CBT has really helped me. It is something that I have to keep working at though as it would be really easy to relapse and go back to the negative thought patterns. I seem to remember you saying that it didn`t work in the past but that may have been due to the therapist or it being the wrong time for you. Definitely think that it is worth another shot - you`ve got everything to gain and nothing to lose.
All the best.
Thanx for the reply Gunnke. I, like you mentioned, have gone above and beyond the normal reactions of having skin issues; things which are almost unmentionable. Im glad that Im not the only person who thinks this way; wish there was someone in my real life that could relate though. I am reassessing my need for continued therapy again; its something I really need to consider. As you mentioned, have nothing to lose. Thanx again.
Well over the last couple of days I've been feeling so up and down that I think I'm turning into a human yo-yo! On the plus side I did go out of my house again yesterday which was totally emotionally draining but does make it twice in one week. That may well seem pathetic to you but it is quite an improvement for me! 
Edit: Ok so now I'm on a down again. My mum just looked at my face critically and said: "You know I'm really not convinced that Epiduo's working at all. Your whole face just looks really red." Gee, thanks mum! How exactly does she expect it to produce miraculous effects in just 4 weeks when I've had acne for 8 years?! And why are parents so freaking insensitive all the time?!? I just don't understand it!!!! Feeling seriously demoralised right now 
Of all the people in the world you expect your own mother to be able to look past your appearance and look you in the eye when she talks to you but all mine ever does is analyse the condition of my skin instead. I can see her eyes roving all over my face whenever she talks to me, kind of like I'm not even really inside there and she's just looking at the state of an inanimate object. I guess I must just look like even more of a monster than I thought.
My skin is not quite has good today as I think it has been recently. Got some small spots on my neck and jawline and one or two on my cheeks. From a distance they are barely noticeable though.
At work today, my manager gave me the task of training a new lady who has just started in our office. Doing the training wasn`t a problem but it did mean that for most of the day I was sat right next to the lady. I really dislike people getting close up to me - the thought of people seeing my flaws and blemishes really makes me anxious. However, even though it made me a little uncomfortable, she didn`t seem to mind being in close proximity to me and if she did notice any blemishes, she didn`t say anything or seem to care.
It was totally unplanned but in a way it was as useful as a lot of the stuff that I have been doing for CBT. I was inadvertently exposed to a situation that would normally make me anxious and it turned out a lot better than I anticipated. Definitely has given me more food for thought about how people really perceive me.
Hope you are all ok.
Oh man, Ive been there. Im always the person that has to train the new guy. I feel the same way you used to feel. I hate having someone in close proximity like that. And in my pessimistic mind, I know that maybe they didnt notice, or didnt care, or didnt say anything, but if they did, would they really ever tell you? So in my mind, its just as bad because I think its repulsive and disgusting, and they must too, even though they didnt say anything. I dunno, do you get what Im saying? I dont need someone to make a horrid face when they see me for me to not feel comfortable; I only need to look in the mirror and not like what I see for me to get myself down. No one's ever said anything about my skin; in fact, most people that I tell that Im having a problem w/ it, tell me they dont notice anything. Thats no consolation because I can see it, and Im not blind, and thats good enough reason for me to be pissed off, upset, anxious, angry, and then I start to self loathe.
Every day starts same as the next. I used to not be able to sleep until I got all these psych meds, so thats not a problem now. But from 505am when I wake up and go into the bathroom to take a shower, until 930pm when I decide to lay down and watch TV, my obsessive thoughts will not stop. I never expect anyone to say anything about the condition of my skin; but they dont have to, its my own thoughts that matter. And when your own thoughts are distorted, you quickly begin to spiral.
I am truly glad that the CBT you received has helped feel more comfortable in uncomfortable situations. I am seriously contemplating going back, maybe to someone new, and putting forth a real effort, cuz what Im doing every day to myself is not helping the situation.
Goodz19, I can totally relate to everything you have said in your post.
I`ve been in your situation and I still feel like it at times. Even though no one necessarily has to say anything, because you in your mind think that you are repulsive, hideous and ugly, you automatically assume that is what everyone else thinks of you.
I know exactly what it is like to look in the mirror and absolutely detest what you see. I`m ashamed to say this but at times it has gone beyond thinking I`m repulsive, hideous and ugly. I have on occasions shouted expletives at my reflection and spat at it and referred to myself as vile scum. I have on one or two occasions smashed mirrors because of the disgust I feel at what I have seen.
Doing CBT has not only helped me curb the mirror obsession, it has also helped me to realise that all this stuff I feel about myself are just my thoughts and no one elses`. As my CBT therapist says, thoughts are just personal feelings - not facts. I know you probably won`t believe me but what your mind is telling you is not true. Where is the evidence other than what you think you see? Do any of your friends` or family tell you that you are hideous and ugly? You will probably say that people are being nice or don`t notice but trust me, most people are too concerned with their own problems to even notice or care.
As I say CBT has really helped me. It is something that I have to keep working at though as it would be really easy to relapse and go back to the negative thought patterns. I seem to remember you saying that it didn`t work in the past but that may have been due to the therapist or it being the wrong time for you. Definitely think that it is worth another shot - you`ve got everything to gain and nothing to lose.
All the best.
Thanx for the reply Gunnke. I, like you mentioned, have gone above and beyond the normal reactions of having skin issues; things which are almost unmentionable. Im glad that Im not the only person who thinks this way; wish there was someone in my real life that could relate though. I am reassessing my need for continued therapy again; its something I really need to consider. As you mentioned, have nothing to lose. Thanx again.
No problem goodz19. It helps to know that I`m not the only one too. Whatever you decide to do, good luck. Don`t have to take me up on this but if you ever want to talk or vent, either contact me via the forums or PM me. Cannot promise that I will have the answers but I do have some inkling of what it`s like and I can listen.
Been quite worried the last few days too... Sunday morning I woke up with an excruciating pain across my abdomen around my belly button and mostly to the right. Could hardly move or stand up straight or take a deep breath. First thought was something was wrong with my appendix... but then the pain dulled and was nearly gone completely by the end of the day. Monday (yesterday) it wasn't bothering me until night time where it felt bruised. And this morning it's a bit painful again. Not terrible though just slightly more bruised feeling - hard to describe. But I can move and breathe deep without it hurting like on Saturday. Does anyone know if issues / pain with the appendix can improve?? I thought the pain just got worse and worse if it was your appendix... But I don't think it's that because I'm not nauseous etc. Just a bit worried about what's going on. Going to rest in bed today and if it gets worse I'll be at the doctor ASAP.
Aww Lilly I can relate to this far too well! I'm 21 and and didn't get my first paid job until I was 19 which was stewarding at classical music concerts. My parents are always saying I should get a job and making me feel really useless for not having one like normal people and I too feel really self-conscious when I have to submit a CV anywhere because I have almost no work experience. Even the job I did I've now quit because dealing with the public like that used to just get me into a massive panic before every shift and sometimes during it as well. People aren't very kind to stewards who are totally useless at their jobs and I'd have to constantly hold my hands really tight together to stop them visibly shaking. People also always looked at me funny when my voice started to shake or I couldn't quite get the words out properly because I was so nervous which made me feel completely useless. All in all it was traumatic and a disaster so I had to give it up! I'm only telling you all this so you know you're not the only one with this problem and that you're not unique in having had too much anxiety to hold down work in the past or having parents who just don't understand what your issue is.
But your skin is looking absolutely miles better right now so I'm sure that and the confidence you should gain from your uni placement will stand you in very good stead for getting a real job. Don't feel like a failure for not having one yet. Having had your skin totally sap your confidence in the past is a huge barrier to contend with even if other people like your mum don't understand that. It doesn't mean you can't turn it around now; it just means that an adverse problem that other people haven't had to deal with has made you just a little bit later starting than everyone else is all.
MoonlitRiver, thank you so much. I didn't realise I needed to hear something like this but obviously I did because I teared up reading it and I don't know why - my emotions have been a mess lately. I guess it was reassuring in an odd way.
Sorry to hear you had such a rough time with your old job. I would be in a similar state with my old one and when I did training earlier this year in a customer-facing role it was worse. I had to not accept that job because my anxiety was crazy and they also needed me to work a day when I had uni. But I was so relieved there was a 'legitimate' reason for me to turn down the job (scheduling) and not just my weird reaction.
And I completely agree with your last sentence about being a bit later or behind people than everyone else. I feel like that for many aspects of my life. I feel like when I'm upset or complaining about my skin, that a 20 year old should really be more confident etc than that - same for relationships and work/jobs. Oh well... can't go back in time and 'fix' or change things. But I know now the things to work on. Hopefully things will get better for us all soon
Been quite worried the last few days too... Sunday morning I woke up with an excruciating pain across my abdomen around my belly button and mostly to the right. Could hardly move or stand up straight or take a deep breath. First thought was something was wrong with my appendix... but then the pain dulled and was nearly gone completely by the end of the day. Monday (yesterday) it wasn't bothering me until night time where it felt bruised. And this morning it's a bit painful again. Not terrible though just slightly more bruised feeling - hard to describe. But I can move and breathe deep without it hurting like on Saturday. Does anyone know if issues / pain with the appendix can improve?? I thought the pain just got worse and worse if it was your appendix... But I don't think it's that because I'm not nauseous etc. Just a bit worried about what's going on. Going to rest in bed today and if it gets worse I'll be at the doctor ASAP.
Aww Lilly I can relate to this far too well! I'm 21 and and didn't get my first paid job until I was 19 which was stewarding at classical music concerts. My parents are always saying I should get a job and making me feel really useless for not having one like normal people and I too feel really self-conscious when I have to submit a CV anywhere because I have almost no work experience. Even the job I did I've now quit because dealing with the public like that used to just get me into a massive panic before every shift and sometimes during it as well. People aren't very kind to stewards who are totally useless at their jobs and I'd have to constantly hold my hands really tight together to stop them visibly shaking. People also always looked at me funny when my voice started to shake or I couldn't quite get the words out properly because I was so nervous which made me feel completely useless. All in all it was traumatic and a disaster so I had to give it up! I'm only telling you all this so you know you're not the only one with this problem and that you're not unique in having had too much anxiety to hold down work in the past or having parents who just don't understand what your issue is.
But your skin is looking absolutely miles better right now so I'm sure that and the confidence you should gain from your uni placement will stand you in very good stead for getting a real job. Don't feel like a failure for not having one yet. Having had your skin totally sap your confidence in the past is a huge barrier to contend with even if other people like your mum don't understand that. It doesn't mean you can't turn it around now; it just means that an adverse problem that other people haven't had to deal with has made you just a little bit later starting than everyone else is all.
MoonlitRiver, thank you so much. I didn't realise I needed to hear something like this but obviously I did because I teared up reading it and I don't know why - my emotions have been a mess lately. I guess it was reassuring in an odd way.
Sorry to hear you had such a rough time with your old job. I would be in a similar state with my old one and when I did training earlier this year in a customer-facing role it was worse. I had to not accept that job because my anxiety was crazy and they also needed me to work a day when I had uni. But I was so relieved there was a 'legitimate' reason for me to turn down the job (scheduling) and not just my weird reaction.
And I completely agree with your last sentence about being a bit later or behind people than everyone else. I feel like that for many aspects of my life. I feel like when I'm upset or complaining about my skin, that a 20 year old should really be more confident etc than that - same for relationships and work/jobs. Oh well... can't go back in time and 'fix' or change things. But I know now the things to work on. Hopefully things will get better for us all soon
Oops sorry Lilly I didn't mean to upset you! I just wanted you to feel you weren't the only one with this problem is all. I haven't really starting hitting these things yet either but when I finally do it will be a whole lot later than everyone else. At the moment my anxiety means that I'm completely unemployable so I'm very lucky to still be at university. It really feels like acne manages to steal a whole chunk of your life and I know it's really bad to let it do that but how are you supposed to be able to get on with your life and enjoy things when you have no confidence in yourself? But like I said your skin has improved massively so hopefully it's only a matter of time before your confidence and self-esteem catches up with it!
I do also really hope your nasty stomach pain goes away soon! A rest in bed today sounds like a good plan. Sending lots of get well vibes your way!
Been quite worried the last few days too... Sunday morning I woke up with an excruciating pain across my abdomen around my belly button and mostly to the right. Could hardly move or stand up straight or take a deep breath. First thought was something was wrong with my appendix... but then the pain dulled and was nearly gone completely by the end of the day. Monday (yesterday) it wasn't bothering me until night time where it felt bruised. And this morning it's a bit painful again. Not terrible though just slightly more bruised feeling - hard to describe. But I can move and breathe deep without it hurting like on Saturday. Does anyone know if issues / pain with the appendix can improve?? I thought the pain just got worse and worse if it was your appendix... But I don't think it's that because I'm not nauseous etc. Just a bit worried about what's going on. Going to rest in bed today and if it gets worse I'll be at the doctor ASAP.
Aww Lilly I can relate to this far too well! I'm 21 and and didn't get my first paid job until I was 19 which was stewarding at classical music concerts. My parents are always saying I should get a job and making me feel really useless for not having one like normal people and I too feel really self-conscious when I have to submit a CV anywhere because I have almost no work experience. Even the job I did I've now quit because dealing with the public like that used to just get me into a massive panic before every shift and sometimes during it as well. People aren't very kind to stewards who are totally useless at their jobs and I'd have to constantly hold my hands really tight together to stop them visibly shaking. People also always looked at me funny when my voice started to shake or I couldn't quite get the words out properly because I was so nervous which made me feel completely useless. All in all it was traumatic and a disaster so I had to give it up! I'm only telling you all this so you know you're not the only one with this problem and that you're not unique in having had too much anxiety to hold down work in the past or having parents who just don't understand what your issue is.
But your skin is looking absolutely miles better right now so I'm sure that and the confidence you should gain from your uni placement will stand you in very good stead for getting a real job. Don't feel like a failure for not having one yet. Having had your skin totally sap your confidence in the past is a huge barrier to contend with even if other people like your mum don't understand that. It doesn't mean you can't turn it around now; it just means that an adverse problem that other people haven't had to deal with has made you just a little bit later starting than everyone else is all.
MoonlitRiver, thank you so much. I didn't realise I needed to hear something like this but obviously I did because I teared up reading it and I don't know why - my emotions have been a mess lately. I guess it was reassuring in an odd way.
Sorry to hear you had such a rough time with your old job. I would be in a similar state with my old one and when I did training earlier this year in a customer-facing role it was worse. I had to not accept that job because my anxiety was crazy and they also needed me to work a day when I had uni. But I was so relieved there was a 'legitimate' reason for me to turn down the job (scheduling) and not just my weird reaction.
And I completely agree with your last sentence about being a bit later or behind people than everyone else. I feel like that for many aspects of my life. I feel like when I'm upset or complaining about my skin, that a 20 year old should really be more confident etc than that - same for relationships and work/jobs. Oh well... can't go back in time and 'fix' or change things. But I know now the things to work on. Hopefully things will get better for us all soon
Oops sorry Lilly I didn't mean to upset you! I just wanted you to feel you weren't the only one with this problem is all. I haven't really starting hitting these things yet either but when I finally do it will be a whole lot later than everyone else. At the moment my anxiety means that I'm completely unemployable so I'm very lucky to still be at university. It really feels like acne manages to steal a whole chunk of your life and I know it's really bad to let it do that but how are you supposed to be able to get on with your life and enjoy things when you have no confidence in yourself? But like I said your skin has improved massively so hopefully it's only a matter of time before your confidence and self-esteem catches up with it!
I do also really hope your nasty stomach pain goes away soon! A rest in bed today sounds like a good plan. Sending lots of get well vibes your way!
It's ok you didn't upset me - it was just me and my already strange emotions lately. It was nice to hear that I'm not alone - like I said, it was reassuring! Thank you
Two of those very red inflamed spots decided to spring up next to my mouth over the weekend. Naturally it's in time for the week when I've got a pretty busy social schedule! 
Ah well, they're already past the painful stage with my good friend BP, but they were the deep under the skin ones, so I'm worried it's going to leave PIH just when I've got rid of it all from my previous acne (thankfully these two seem to be just localized irritation and not a relapse).
On the plus side my chest acne is getting under control now. All the spots are drying up and going away, and the pigmentation there fades really quickly. The bumps on my forehead from my new hair regimen are going away (side note, did anybody else feel like they needed another 'project' to improve their appearance after getting clear?). Overall I'm still feeling much better than I used to, although I'm not quite sure of the best way to cover up the redness from these spots without covering the rest of my unaffected face too (there is no concealer on this Earth that matches my skintone, and I have to blend foundations to get the colour close enough).
Feeling brighter and more positive today. My small breakout from the other day seems to be subsiding and there is no new active stuff.
As of today, I`ve substituted my daily cappuccino for spearmint green tea. Going to give this a go for a while but have to say on first impressions, it is no substitute for a cappuccino. Let`s just say that if I do grow to like spearmint green tea, it is definitely going to be an acquired taste.
Had another CBT session today. Discussed the relapse that I had on Sunday when I basically hid away and reverted back to some of the mirror checking. The therapist said not to beat myself up over it and we also looked at ways to avoid relapses going forward.
I have been given two tasks to do for "homework" this week; one is a social situation and one is to do with food. Got to record my thoughts, feelings and anxieties before, during and after.
Next week is my last CBT session and I`m quite sad about that. I do however have the option of a follow-up session in two to three months time to see how I`m coping. The therapist said that she will miss our sessions because in her words "I`ve been a pleasure to work with and I have worked so hard". Don`t want to sound big-headed but it felt good to be praised like that.
Hope you are all doing ok out there.
Aww, MoonlitRiver, I'm sorry to hear that. 
It really is the worst to have your parents not even be able to say that you look alright. My mum will be blunt with me if I ask her if I look better. But I know she's trying the best she can because she's told me how much it hurts her to see me so depressed all the time because of my appearance.
recently I've been going out with friends, slowly getting used to looking people in the eye so that I don't totally freak out when classes start up again. It's practice.
My skin's still adjusting to my BCP so I'm getting tiny breakouts on my chin. My main issue now is super bad PIH that looks like a severe breakout when it's actually just flat dry skin with terrible redness. Trying not to look at it because it will make me cry if I do. I HATE ACNE!!! 
Well over the last couple of days I've been feeling so up and down that I think I'm turning into a human yo-yo! On the plus side I did go out of my house again yesterday which was totally emotionally draining but does make it twice in one week. That may well seem pathetic to you but it is quite an improvement for me!
Edit: Ok so now I'm on a down again. My mum just looked at my face critically and said: "You know I'm really not convinced that Epiduo's working at all. Your whole face just looks really red." Gee, thanks mum! How exactly does she expect it to produce miraculous effects in just 4 weeks when I've had acne for 8 years?! And why are parents so freaking insensitive all the time?!? I just don't understand it!!!! Feeling seriously demoralised right now
hey moonlit,
am sorry u are feeling bad again.
but may be ur mum meant it out of concern - well not deep sorry concern but may be she was just wondering aloud that its not working.'also sometimes mums and aunts are so wrong.
u know there's been times when i've felt my skin is okay today only to later hear my mum or aunt say 'i think ur skin was looking better last week or something similar'.
actually my close ones (family) has come to know that i freak out about my skin so they dnt usually say stuff.sometimes they are scared what should be said - for once i had screamed at my aunt for saying 'oh!your skin is alright.' while i was all red and full.
anyway, i think its time u realise no one's opinion should matter much in these cases.
one, you need to understand its not something one can easily relate to or understand.
two, no one knows your skin better than you do.
that is one reason i've stopped asking people 'how's my skin today'? or 'am i looking okay today'?(i used to ask my cousin all the time)
it irritates them when asked more than thrice & it irritates us the way they behave - either too nice or too strong while most are quite indifferent.
some because they dnt care much & others dnt think its a thing to worry so much about.
am sorry if i rambled.
i am just saying we relate to you.
I don't care about acne... I just want to be with someone I love again Walking around the places that remind me of him and things we did together feels so empty. Days pass by and I try to pass the time, trying not to break down and I know that's how this whole year will look like. That person means a world to me, gives a feeling of home, feeling of safety, family, warmth... And his so, so far away right now...
Yesterday I had the best facial I've had in months! I was thinking it was going to be a waste of money, but I noticed a difference right away! I'm glad I found a good aesthetician near my new home. She did extractions for half an hour - yep, half an hour of pure pain, but it was necessary. She pulled stuff from under the surface of the skin, then did some gentle peels and high frequency to disinfect my face. Then I lay under a blue and red light for 30 minutes, which I thought would be too much but it was effective and not expensive because they had a special for it with the facial. I think it's absolutely necessary to ask for high frequency after a facial, and if your spa offers it, try the light treatment. For me, these are far more effective than peels and topicals. Today there were a lot of under the surface pimples that came to a head and my makeup looked a bit bumpy, but at least I know they will subside because they came to the surface. This esthetician showed me how superficial most other estheticians are by comparison; they barely touched my skin and only treated the surface.
Now to do something about my hair...hmmm.
Still struggling with insomnia though, I can barely get a good night's sleep and then I'm too tired at work. Ugh.
well some random girl insulted me on facebook and she not even that pretty she just have a clear skin..and I kept on thinking the things she sed like I'm a pimpled face girl, its so many that there's no space for any.That kind of words..But honestly I don't have any pimples now just deep acne scars and its not even the red ones..She insulted me 2 days ago and I can't get it out of my head everytime I think about what she sed I pity myself for having a bad skin
Has anyone tried the clarisonic? I bought one before going abroad and just started using it. (I added Bo back in so I wanted to limit irritation until I got used to it). So, I'm hoping it'll work well! Should I use it once everyday or every other day?
I hate this skin obsession;it's such a waste of time, money, effort. I could be doing more useful things! I really wish I didn't have to worry about acne....
well some random girl insulted me on facebook and she not even that pretty she just have a clear skin..and I kept on thinking the things she sed like I'm a pimpled face girl, its so many that there's no space for any.That kind of words..But honestly I don't have any pimples now just deep acne scars and its not even the red ones..She insulted me 2 days ago and I can't get it out of my head everytime I think about what she sed I pity myself for having a bad skin
i don't see how a random girl could insult you.
1stly how can she even see you gallery on facebook when you dnt even know her?
get the clue? there's something missing on ur part- befriend her if she's "random & insulting" & keep your gallery open for only those who dnt 'only' care about your looks.
*facebook is a deceptive place if not used the right way mate! so, only befriend people you know !
2ndly, just remember - those who matters dont "talk", and those who does doesn't matter.
p.s it doesnt matter if she's not pretty or has clear skin, she's done something bad enough for us to know she's not perfect anyway.
the looks & skin isnt even a criteria here.
her persona & mentality is!
also, you needn't go down to her level & comment on her looks!
just be who u r - smile & bother about people/things that matter.
cheers!
hey moonlit,
am sorry u are feeling bad again.
but may be ur mum meant it out of concern - well not deep sorry concern but may be she was just wondering aloud that its not working.'also sometimes mums and aunts are so wrong.
u know there's been times when i've felt my skin is okay today only to later hear my mum or aunt say 'i think ur skin was looking better last week or something similar'.
actually my close ones (family) has come to know that i freak out about my skin so they dnt usually say stuff.sometimes they are scared what should be said - for once i had screamed at my aunt for saying 'oh!your skin is alright.' while i was all red and full.
anyway, i think its time u realise no one's opinion should matter much in these cases.
one, you need to understand its not something one can easily relate to or understand.
two, no one knows your skin better than you do.
that is one reason i've stopped asking people 'how's my skin today'? or 'am i looking okay today'?(i used to ask my cousin all the time)
it irritates them when asked more than thrice & it irritates us the way they behave - either too nice or too strong while most are quite indifferent.
some because they dnt care much & others dnt think its a thing to worry so much about.
am sorry if i rambled.
i am just saying we relate to you.
Thanks aanabill, I always really appreciate you replying to my posts. Unfortunately I think feeling bad is just my permanent state of being. I agree it must be difficult to know what to say. My mum's always blunt and says it like it is whereas my dad always puts a positive spin on it and says it's improving even if I know it's not so I suppose they can't win really. I just wish my mum wouldn't comment so negatively on things that she doesn't understand, like how long treatments take to see improvements, how they work etc. It takes a lot of effort on my part and a lot of self-talk and motivation each day to get the point where I convince myself that the treatments are working and they just need a bit more time but it takes my mum 5 seconds flat to completely destroy that effort and put me back to square one. I just wish she wouldn't comment on my skin at all.
Today I made a mistake with her though. After the experience of the other day I should have known better but I had to take a load of photos of myself today in order to have one to put on my unicard which I have to apply for soon. Obviously I used loads of foundation to cover all the acne and took lots of photos in different lights (I know that sounds incredibly vain, but this is just in the knowledge that I'm going to have to see whatever photo I choose every day for the next four years so I just wanted to look vaguely alright in it which for me is not an easy task). Anyway I finally chose one that I thought I could probably live with seeing every day on my unicard and showed it to my mum to ask if she thought it looked ok. BIG MISTAKE! She just said outright: "Oh no I don't like that very much at all!" And now I don't know what to do really. I can't register for my course without providing a photo for my unicard and clearly no matter how much effort I put in it's impossible for me to produce a tolerable photo of myself. I guess I'll just have to wait a few days and try again. I wish we didn't need to have photos of ourselves on our unicards at all.
